plans

for now i sleep because tomorrow i write.

it's still rock 'n' roll to me

Class started last week and I find myself uninspired. This however probably doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Down to business:

Nothing is new. Still tormented soul like and jaded. Still reading. Still writing. Still listening to The Beatles on repeat. Still living on my managers couch. Still not sleeping. Is this rock bottom yet?

you were only waiting for this moment to be free

i've decided that my writers block is a combination of stress, insomnia, and a lack of alcohol. i highly doubt, however, that any of this will change in the oncoming weeks. i haven't slept more than three hours in three days; i worked two of them and my body is starting to give out along with my ever so fleeting grasp on normalicy. i'm starting to feel like fight club without the visable bruises. classes start back a week from today and i have yet to schedule them, find a place to live or a person that i don't have urges to wish horrible medical abnormalities upon, and to top my schooling trifecta off i'm in the middle of switching jobs so i don't go on a murderous mcdouble rampage. currently, my younger sister is in the hospital hours away from birthing my first nephew and all i can think is: is life ever going to slow down and how i'm sure that life isn't meant to be this hard. i'm such a selfish person, all i want is sleep or a large amount of coffee as a sidedish to aderol.

oh, woe is me.

writers block

good news: i changed my headlight all by myself for the first time and it was only semi-difficult.

bad news: somedays i can barely will myself out of bed.

lately, i've found myself wishing for something more than this seemingly provincial ordinary life. i wake up day after day hoping that something will happen that will change my life forever, but its as if time is standing still, nothing i do or say makes any change in the world and this causes me a great dissatisfaction.

all i have to say is love and let love

“I don’t care who anybody sleeps with. If a couple has been together all that time - and there are gay relationships that are more solid than some heterosexual ones - I think it’s fine if they want to get married. I don’t know how people can get so anti-something. Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.”
- Betty White

congratulations new york.

truths

Let continue with this theme of honesty;

I read and do what I want when I want. I write for myself. I will always be controversial. I'll sing off key and play my music as loud as I can. I won't sleep and I'll be grumpy. I'll drink to find the inspiration I've lost. My honesty can be upsetting, but I'm not sorry about that. I'm going to live this life until I can't take it anymore. I love wholeheartedly. I don't cry. I refuse to apologize for who I am so take me or leave me. I live for the moment when you've been up for days and everything becomes so clear.

leave it alone

you say you want honesty, but you wouldn't be able handle it.

jersey to delaware

i'm rarely a jealous person and i know my place in everyones life. not one day that i've known you did i think i would ever miss you when you left. now i find myself missing everything part of you; your smile, your laugh, and your strange ability to make me angry with a few words, an ability that few have. i've never met anyone like you and pray i never come across it again, i don't think i could handle it. you're in no means the perfect person..i'm not even sure you're a good person but you compliment my own selfishness perfectly and i'll miss that. you taught me things about myself that i wouldn't have know if it weren't for you. so thanks and have a cozy life pretending that you're not who you are.

fearless

okay blog, i created you in february and haven't touched you; that i'm sorry for. so heres what i can promise to you: i won't pay attention to grammar or capital letters and won't write for anyone, but myself. we have the next 364 days to spend together and i'll visit you each day. the only attention you'll ever need is mine. my writing will be judged and i don't care. i know i'm not the best writer or even a good one at that, but here it goes. :)